When our first baby turns two to three years, thoughts of having or not having a second baby creeps up in our mind. Some are sure, not to discuss on the topic as it’s already been decided that “One- Child” family would be an ideal option for them keeping number of factors in mind.
But, if we are in a confused state of mind and our partner is in favour of a second baby then it’s important to sit and chat about why to plan for second or why not to go for a second baby. Resolving this internal Tug of War takes lots of time to come a final conclusion. In the meantime inquisitiveness of family and friends about whether we are planning for second baby irks us to the core. People consider the stereotypical “Perfect Family” and try to impose their views at times.
I feel there are certain points that we may consider before deciding whether to go for another baby or not.
**Finances need to be considered before making any plans to go for second kid. No matter what Second baby would be an additional expense so couple cannot just go with the flow or with the thought “One is not enough”
**Health Condition of mommy should be kept in mind. Unlike our 1st Pregnancy, We will have to lift our older kid many a times so we need to be fit enough to go through Physical stress. Back pain, any complications that we faced in previous pregnancy should be considered before planning. For any other health complications like Diabetes or high blood pressure consulting Gynaecologist would be the best option.
** Mentally both Parent should be strong enough and be prepared to welcome the Change. It’s important to sit and share the responsibilities. Managing two kids in a nuclear setup is difficult but not impossible. If any couple is in favour of going for two kids, Dad must step up to share the responsibilities to have a “Two-kid “family irrespective of the fact that mommy is a “Stay at home Mom” or a” working Mom” or how many nanny or maids are there for the Support.
When I was pregnant with my second, I was thrilled yet scared of many things, I had to sit and discuss with my husband as I was going through extreme mood-swings. I wanted another baby but again I was thinking if I would be able to love my second as much as I loved my First? Guilt and Guilt…That made me weep for the entire evening.
I was scared at the thought of “Sleepless Nights” again. It’s just been few days I was sleeping 6 or 7 hours at a stretch and again those “Sleep Deprived Nights” L “Sleep when the baby sleeps” this statement never worked for my 1st baby and its again going to be impossible with my toddler banging her head at the corner or throwing a tantrum for absolutely no reason.
I was not sure how my toddler would welcome her little brother/sister when she is the Princess of the house. But we started reading books to her like “I am a new big Sister” and kept telling her we will have a small baby in our house soon and together we will have fun and so and so.
When I was in second trimester I was feeling so Unsecured in every way, even though the pregnancy was planned and the decision was mutual I kept wondering where those thoughts come from??I was tensed at the thought if I would be a good mother again? Will I really get support from my Partner? Will I be able to love my elder one in the same way or vice versa?
My husband was absolutely cool and said “Well, things would surely be difficult, but we will tackle it all together “I was sure he would do his best, still I had a perplexed face. He further added, “We will have date nights too” and chuckled. Just a matter of few months he reassured me.
A small hand towel was wet and my eyes and cheeks were all red. Blame it on hormones, I was then crying at the thought how will I stay in hospital for two or three days without my girl. I won’t be able to cuddle her to sleep; I won’t be able to read out books to her. My husband now shifted his attention from Cricket world and said “You are doing great Job, Mamma” that made me more emotional and I wanted a bite of a Dark Chocolate now. Now bit relaxed I was.
“Things were never easy with our elder one, so challenges are there. But we together will do our best. Our house will be messy, Laundry will be piled up and we can have Sandwiches for Dinner, Our daughter may have more screen time for few days and its absolutely fine “His words comforted me so much. His caring words made me feel we can really do it.
Now, after bringing our second baby home, transition was difficult but not as scary as I thought to be. Being Parents for the second time was again not an easy task still we were more confident in many of the Parenting task. The days were long with two kids but not hard. Six months were gone and trust me, I didn’t know how, Time really flies.” We” managed it all “Together”. We as” Couple” could spend very less time together till Seventh or eighth month but slowly things are falling in place.
So, in a nuclear setup, raising one kid is challenging and two would be even more, a proper support system would be required to go through that struggling phase. So we can involve our husband in appropriate tasks so that he must not feel fatigued at the end of his tiring day. Sometimes, men pay less attention to our needs unintentionally so we can sit and discuss and politely make them little bit focussed to our needs too after all, Kids need their Dad!! Let’s consider our husband’s feelings and get him involved with kids be it one, two or three 😉